Is Romantic Love a Myth of Western Cultures?

Paul Boakye — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 12:25:19 +0000

I was having a conversation recently with a well-connected Nigeria who provides extremely well for his wife and three children. Yet he and his wife had separate bedrooms and individual private lives.

With all the martial woes in modern life and rising divorce rates amongst celebrities, the rich and famous and ordinary mortals alike, this was for him the solution to a successful twenty-year marriage. And if one or the other felt like a little amorous ‘get-together’ one night, either he slipped into her boudoir or she came to him, before saying goodnight and returning to their respective bedrooms.

When others around us scoffed at the way he lives his life, he told them point-blankly that “the idea of romantic love is a myth that exist only in Western cultures, and only amongst the lower classes at that.” In fact, he and his wife were rather like the English aristocracy, he said. They married for companionship and for the production of well-adjusted heirs, and as he provides very well for her and the children, to whom he is a loving/caring father, the rest of his life is for him to do with what he wants.

This was no secret between them. His wife fully accepted the deal and they got on with their separate lives perfectly well—likewise the children—all of whom were over-achievers at expensive private schools and universities.

I could not find much at fault with this man’s argument. Of course, I had not met his wife, but from his own descriptions she sounded perfectly at ease with their arrangement.

His upfront point-of-view actually made me understand for once, the nature of the conflict between my own parents, who had been coming from completely different perspectives all of their married life. Even in my own relationships, I had been inclined to repeat similar patterns and mistakes. Or perhaps I’m more at ease with his POV because I am male.

What say you? Is the idea of romantic love and monogamy a myth of Western cultures and a set-up for certain failure from the start?

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What Makes A Woman Marriage Material?

Paul Boakye — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 13:09:04 +0000

If your best pal just shouted out, “a rich dad who owns a brewery,” then you’re probably sat in the pub right now reading this on your iPhone or iPad for a laugh.

But seriously, have you ever dated a girl you were crazy about but wished you could change that one little thing about her? What was it? Have you kicked yourself afterwards because your honey and you shared almost everything in common, yet you still broke up? So what is it you really need to look for in a woman in order to build a successful marriage when ‘Miss Right’ comes along?

The best way to find out if she’s marriage material is to ask yourself a few questions. There are five basic points that you’ll really need to look at before any relationship can progress towards something truly meaningful. Here they are:

Personality:
What’s her emotional makeup? This means her ‘psychological characteristics’, emotional states, styles and expressions. Her perspective on the world and her level of self-esteem can be the difference between a life of bliss and a living hell. Look at her confidence, what’s her understanding of intimacy, her ability to share, commit. Look for weaknesses, strengths, respect of self and others, level of vanity, attitude towards the things you find important in life. The list goes on…
Attraction:
Physical and sexual compatibility mean different things to different people. For some, it means the physical act itself, perhaps something kinky and wild, while for others romance and intimacy play an important part. A few traits to keep in mind when looking for a missus might be her level of interest in sex, romance, foreplay, love, sexual variations and assertiveness, monogamy, communication, risk taking, playfulness, awareness of STDs, and physical appearance.
Brains:
How a woman thinks about the world she inhabits and how she interacts day to day are important signs of long-term mutual compatibility. Some women are casual observers of life while others thrive on being aggressive personalities. You’ll want to check out how she expresses ideas, her level of education, sense of humour, goals, skills, hobbies, mistakes, conversation and learning styles, her interest and quickness of thought.
Goals:

Money matters affect everyone. How she handles money can tell you a lot about her and could make the difference between a comfortable life and an existence in poverty, so it’s important to be compatible in this area too. Pay attention to spending style, lifestyle, personal and professional goals, retirement plans, savings and ideas about money and debt in general.
Values:
To have spiritual values doesn’t necessarily mean religious orientation, but rather a basic belief system about life in general. A sense of self you might call it; a reason for living. It includes beliefs about ethics, the importance of family, stability, religion, for example, a purpose of life, optimism, an acceptance of others, integrity, honesty, responsibility and other similar social values.

Whenever you are interested in someone as a potential wife or long term partner, it’s important to know her views on each of the five components. The more areas of compatibility, the stronger the foundation of the relationship will be. People can have differences, but it adds strain to a relationship. Observe and communicate, and hopefully, you will be able to catch differences early on to avoid pain later. Of course, these five basic rules apply to anyone looking at a potential partner.

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The Colorful Times » Relationships

Is Romantic Love a Myth of Western Cultures?

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What Makes A Woman Marriage Material?