How big is the problem of black women being able to find suitable black males to marry or settle down with? Whose responsibility is it to ensure that black males are being raised to become responsible and suitable men with the capacity to be partners with successful Black females?

Will successful Black women who wish to have children be forced to consider dating outside of their ethnic group? Will this have long term implications for the future of the black family?

It is interesting to hear the level of denial surrounding this issue. We have those who laugh it off as irrelevant, whilst others regard it as a myth or a story wiped up by the media or disgruntled black women with personality defects looking for an excuse.

I normally avoid these subjects but chose to entertain it because it is actually a ‘big picture’ issue that if we do not face and start to address will continue to unravel the last few threads that hold together the fabric of our community.

Nature continues to ensure that there are always more females born than males. Black males disproportionately marry or date outside of their race. Black males do less well at school. They are less likely to go to University, are more likely to be victims of gun and knife crime and are over represented in the mental health and prison systems and in the unemployment lines.

Some 70% of the black community live in the most deprived areas of the UK. Black women are increasingly becoming more successful than their male counterparts. They are starting businesses and their earning potential continues to outpace that of black males.

So what is a girl to do when she decides that she wants to get married or settle down and have children?

I run a successful mentoring and family support service dedicated to raising boys to become responsible men and supporting fathers and mothers to raise boys who have a strong cultural and male identity. The number of requests for help and support is increasing year on year. The number of boys growing up without a positive male role model and struggling to find healthy pathways to affirm their masculinity is also increasing.

We are seeing more boys joining gangs, as a result, dropping out of school and failing to make the progress that they should in their personal and social development. In short, our boys in comparison to our girls are lagging behind. The result of this is the focus of many discussions but needs to be seen in the wider context. It takes a strong and successful male to have the confidence and capacity to be a partner to an equally strong and successful female.

I am not interested in apportioning blame to black males or females. I see it as a societal issue. It is bigger than just us and our personal circumstances. It’s more than just dating and a person’s right to have children. Unless we start to address the huge imbalances between black males and black females, what will be the long term consequences for black communities in both the UK and USA?

Will we continue to see our boys becoming more violent in their efforts to ‘prove’ their masculinity? Will we see more emotionally stunted ‘boys’ over 35-years old still holding on to their adolescence, living at home, and incapable of sustaining a relationship with a black woman?

Why do black males date and have relationships outside of their ethnic group much more than any other racial group in society? Is this something we should just accept or an issue to be addressed? Is this reflective of the many boys and girls in our communities who cannot find or do not know their fathers? Or does society need to find sufficient numbers of black male role models to counter the negative stereotypes.

Where will we find these black males? Who will ensure that we nurture their development?

Let us step up to the problem staring us in the face. We cannot continue to bury our heads in the sand. Are we really saying that women need to lower their standards? What about raising boys and men who are capable of exceeding those standards?

I don’t have the answers, but let me know what you think. Perhaps it will go some way towards helping us support young men and families at The Male Development Service.

Related Reading:

Melvyn Davis

Website – More Posts